Every February, we are surrounded by the same message: Valentine’s Day is about romantic relationships, grand gestures and finding your perfect “other half”. Yet the truth is that our closest and most important relationship is the one we have with ourself. When we do not feel connected to who we are, when we do not feel worthy of love or when we don’t trust or understand our own needs, it affects every other relationship in our lives. 

This Valentine’s Day, we want to explore a different kind of love, the foundation beneath healthy partnerships, friendships and life satisfaction: self-love.  

Many of us have heard the phrase “you need to love yourself first”, but we are rarely taught how to do that. And for some people it can feel impossible, perhaps for those who have experienced trauma, heartbreak or difficult relationships, whether in early life or as adults.  

So, let us simplify it. 

Self-love is the ongoing practice of treating yourself with the same care, respect and compassion you give to the people you love the most. 

It is not about perfection, selfishness or having high confidence all the time. Self-love grows from small, consistent choices to value your needs, your emotions and your wellbeing. 

When we struggle to value ourselves, it often shows up in our relationships in surprising ways. For example: 

• We find it difficult to set boundaries. 

• We fear abandonment or rejection. 

• We over-give or over-compensate. 

• We feel guilt for having needs. 

• We reject love and support due to past experiences of loss.

On the other hand, when we strengthen the relationship with ourselves, our outer relationships become healthier too. Why? Because self-love improves communication, boundaries and our ability to connect with others in a stable way. We can both give and receive love more freely. 

If you recognise yourself in any of the examples below, you are not alone. These are common reasons people come to therapy, and they are completely understandable: 

• You worry you’re “too much” or “not enough”. 

• You avoid conflict because you fear it will push people away. 

• You struggle to accept compliments or kindness. 

• You feel responsible for other people’s emotions. 

• You find it hard to know and say what you want or need. 

• You have experienced too much loss and so ignore your own needs 

These are learned patterns, and the good news is that we have the power to change them. 

Here are some therapeutic, realistic ways you can begin strengthening self-love, whether you are single, dating or in a long-term partnership: 

1. Treat yourself with kindness

Instead of being your harshest critic, try speaking to yourself as you would a friend. Our internal voice has power; choosing compassion helps rebuild trust within ourselves. 

2. Identifyand express what you need 

Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. And yes, you are allowed to have needs. Naming them is the first step to getting them met. 

3. Practise boundaries

Boundaries are not about keeping people out. They are about keeping relationships healthy and safe for everyone involved. 

4. Notice how you talk to yourself

Are your thoughts supportive or self-critical? Awareness is often the start of positive change. 

5. Celebrate small wins

Self-love grows through action. Every time you advocate for yourself you reinforce your worth, so speak honestly, and choose rest when you need it. 

Valentine’s Day can feel especially difficult if you are single. Rather than viewing it as a reminder of what you do not have, try reframing it: 

What if this was a chance to invest in yourself? 

Consider: 

• Spending time with supportive people. 

• Doing something that feels fulfilling. 

• Treating yourself in the way you hope a partner would treat you. 

Your worth is not determined by your relationship status. 

Whether you are in a relationship or not, the most powerful Valentine’s message is this: 

You deserve love, and that love begins with how you treat yourself. 

Building self-love is not a one-day event but an ongoing journey. And sometimes we all need help along the way. 

At Inspire Wellbeing Services, we offer therapy that helps you understand your patterns, strengthen your relationships and build a deeper sense of self-worth. Whether you want to improve your current relationship, heal from past ones or reconnect with yourself, you do not have to do it alone. 

If you would like to talk to someone or explore therapeutic options, we are here to help. 

Wishing you a compassionate and connected Valentine’s Day, whatever stage of life or love you are in.